May 2013
24 posts
And ya know, if its meant to happen, it’ll happen. It was just bad circumstances.. I just hope you know I love you and felt so differently for you than others. You mean a lot to me and the time we had was beyond great. I was head over heels for you and I want you to know I saw so much in you that I wish other guys had. You were the sweetest fucking thing. But that won’t be the last...
Here goes to being a stupid teenager and learning things about life our parents warned us about. But learning for ourselves.
I’ve concluded that there are more sad than happy people by far. Why are we this way, and why is there eternal suffering it seems? I can’t say it’s gotten worse but it probably has over the century. Medicine, drugs, poverty, more problems that arise....
godlovessean:
When I think of you, I think of cigarettes And when you’re not here it gets a little uneasy, like the feeling I had when I first smoked one. ‘But honey, you’re smooth’ So when the lighters come out I don’t feel the need to move Because I like to think you’re right there with me, Holding me in your chest.
well. I began a conversation with my mom about how my step sister is pregnant, and ended up talking about her sex situation.. Then mine.. And I had no idea I was going to be talking about that for the next hour. She was mad that I didn’t tell her in the first place, and how I was acting like it was no big deal, but then she pulled the disappointment card because I lied to her twice about...
One of the the other happiest times in my life, more simpler, was getting drunk with my best friend for the first time at her old house. It was the last night of summer and we wanted to celebrate. She has no idea that that night meant a lot to me, just talking about the past five years together and all the great things we accomplished/got through together or just had fun with. When I think about...
Some of the happiest moments in my life have happened this past year though. I had my first ‘long’ normal relationship last summer and that the longest amount of time in high school that I was truly happy. I really enjoyed his company, his optimism and simplicity. We never fought, he never got his feelings hurt, and he was always there for me and I was always there for him. He was an...
Im really happy with the person I am, not always, but as an overall summary of myself im content with what I stand for and how I’ve developed as of now. If I could pick something I like about myself is my mind, my thought processes, and how I think things out. That backfires on me a lot but it’s been such a benefit. I feel like I’ve got to experience and take purpose in things...
godlovessean:
Basically what I can take from this is that I tried. I’m past the ‘its all my fault, whats wrong with me, I’m an annoying fuck’ stage and realize that I’m just not what he’s looking for. its not a ‘me’ or a ‘he’ thing, it’s a ‘we’ thing. things change and that’s okay. we move on.
I wish I could be everything to you like we used to say. ima miss the fuck out of you though. need to get away now.
one of my biggest fears is leaving my mom and my sister behind. my moms dated so many losers and is still single to this day.. we live in a four bedroom two bath house all by ourselves. shes been sober for two years up until recently and is trying to get back to ‘normalcy,’ while just going through a small ‘breakup’ recently with a guy she finally began to develop feelings...
godlovessean:
you still have no idea how much I care about you though. ugh come back.
you can tell by all of these posts how bipolar and indecisive I am myself. I’m sorry.
1 tag
Half of me wants to be completely done with you for both of ours sake.
The other half is willing to wait it out and come back new.
New place, new age, new thoughts.
Ill be here, but I’m going to live in the meantime. I love you bb.
1 tag
I once described this feeling perfectly. For a split second you feel numb. You begin to tingle and that lump forms in the back of your throat while you clench your jaw slightly. The guts on your inside start to move around and you feel like you’re on the verge of puking for a good while. Nothing tastes good, you dont hear anything, and your tongue and throat just swells. Tears develop, you...
‘Meeting people because of a tattoo’
You said that next to me talking to the girls and their mom that we instantly judged the minute they walked into the tattoo shop, but ended up being really friendly. That was a really good feeling.
God, I’m such a faggot.
godlovessean:
You mean so much to me.
I don’t like who I’ve become in this either, I see what you see and I’m not myself. We need to be patient with each other if you still have some sort of want to connect to me. The smallest thought of you being with someone else just makes me cringe.. I understand why you felt so jealous and if I were you I would’ve been so mad at myself. I wasn’t really...
1 tag
I hope I never fuck you, I never want to fuck you. People only fuck when you don’t know eachother very well after a few nights at some parties, when you feel lust and find them solely attractive, or want to let your anger out and so does someone else. Cruising through the dark, empty streets at three in the morning, listening to John Mayer, and both knowing we wanted eachother more than anything...
April 2013
19 posts
But really what can I do anymore.
I’m just here to you. No regard.
Don’t argue this to me, you know how you’re being towards me. It’s not like how it was two/three weeks ago. It’s been the longest week of my life it seems, with little snipets of texts here and there, that phone call was nice. But I don’t feel I am who I used to be to you, I feel on the sidelines...
im gonna be okay.
I’ve never been so lost. What did I do and how do I fix it.
I hate night time and you’re not around.
That’s why I go crazy.
The only words that have gone through my head over and over this week are I want to die. I want to die.
It really sucks not talking for a good chunk of the day. It’s alright though because I hope nothing’s changed and you seem really trustworthy in keeping your word. And I love you for that. It makes me nervous because you’re unlike anyone I’ve dated and the signs I’m used to. I feel more comfortable now, still want to get to know you more. Love you bb.
I don’t want you to go.. I don’t wanna go. I want you with me.
I really need a weekend where I can just purge myself in buying and reading new books, driving out by myself, and sleeping in my car. That cars gotten me through a lot of shit and I couldn’t be more thankful for getting it without charge. Need to get back to the basics.
since youre reading this.. let me just tell you im a mess of a person. you already kinda nuzzled your way into me, I dont know how so easily, but I swear im bipolar. I just want to warn you I guess.. Im sorry in advance and all that jazz. I really am. I love you and you drive me crazy and youre not here and Im still fucking crazy if I cant talk things out and be rational and realistic. Basically I...
i cant do this. im a sensitive baby who gets attached too easily and doesnt know how to just be. stop while you can so I dont fuck anything up anymore. idk how you did this, you were right.
I like coincidences and things you cant explain, paradoxes, fate, the unknown. I dont like to be sure. It’s not exciting that way. Even fate itself is a paradox because it’s predestined, but we dont know what the hell it’s going to decide anyway. I dont really know if there’s a sole purpose for us to live and walk and breathe on this earth, if the purpose is to find that...
but basically, I’m overbooked, no emotional vacancy.
March 2013
11 posts
In the span of two weeks I have found out that my sister is pregnant, my mom is taking yet another serious clinical testing thing that may or may not help all these things that are wrong with her, along with her finally ‘legally suing’ my dad basically for 30,000 is child support, they owe 10,000 in taxes, within the next month we’ll be packing up and moving farther away up...
I feel like not sleeping is becoming some sort of self harm. I just cant do it and I stay up thinking I dont need to sleep and turn into this fucking crazy person that doesnt make sense at four in the morning while the past month has been the same. I havent gotten more than six hours in about two weeks, and oversleeping the two weeks before that. Id go to sleep at five and wake up at two and now...
1 tag
How do I already have all of these things I want to say to you. So many things I want to say but never do because I replace them with silly statements to ease my mind but they just end up making you believe I’m not one of your kind.
But for real, I wonder what it’s like to love an artist. I’ve dated musical artists, wonderfully talented people who love the art of music. I love music, along with everyone else basically, but these people breathe it. But I want to fall in love with a visual artist. A painter, a sculptor, a designer.. Someone who has the same passion/frustration I have when it comes to doing what we...
sassydad:
can we lay
in ur
bed
all
day
